The Trouble With Ice Cream
by serenelystrange
Summary: Parker just wants ice cream. Hardison just wants Parker. Things quickly go all sorts of wrong. Fluff! Then some drama! Then fluff! Y'all cant keep me away from it. Written for Medie Shanachie. Hope you like, darlin! :D


"What do you wanna do?"

"Don't know. What do _you_ wanna do?"

Parker glared at Hardison in annoyance, "I asked you first!"

Hardison shrugged at his girlfriend, having finally gotten used to calling Parker as such. After all, they'd been dating for months, and she spent more time at his house than her own, and he was finding more and more little hints of the thief every day. Jasmine soap now resided in his shower next to his body wash, a very manly body wash, thank you very much. Little balls of rolled up socks kept appearing at the foot of his bed, causing Hardison to believe Parker didn't wash socks, just bought new ones. Because, honestly, how many pairs could she have? They had nearly filled their own hamper before Hardison noticed and questioned Parker, who just shrugged and tackled him to the bed with a grin, wiping the laundry thoughts from his mind. Not that he would complain.

Hardison grinned at the memory of that night, snapping out of it when he noticed Parker had situated herself on top of him, one knee at each side of his waist. She was poking him impatiently in the chest with one finger.

"What?" He asked, looking up at Parker, unable to stay annoyed when she turned her poking into light scratches down his chest.

"I _said_ I asked _you _first. What do you wanna do tonight? It's Saturday night, we should do something."

Hardison grinned devilishly and bucked up against Parker, causing her to smile but roll her eyes.

"Hardison. We can do _that_ later. I wanna go out and do something! I'm antsy."

She swatted the hands ran up her legs to rest on her waist, drumming lightly. "I told you, later!"

Hardison just nodded and slipped his fingers under the hem of her shirt, tracing patterns on her lower back, "Ok. Later, definitely." But his hands climbed higher, thankful as always that Parker hated bras as much as she did.

Shaking her head, Parker laughed and gave in, rolling over to lie on her back, pulling Hardison along with her. He chuckled against her neck as he unbuttoned her pants, and she forgot why she had been insisting on later.

"Alright, fine. But we _are _going to do something after. Outside."

"Whatever you want, baby," Hardison smiled widely as Parker pulled off her shirt.

A few hours later, they finally managed to make it outside Hardison's apartment. They stood on the sidewalk, debating what to do. With an only slightly wicked grin on her face, Parker grabbed Hardison's hand and pulled him with her as she began to run down the sidewalk.

"Where we going?" Hardison huffed as he was tugged along.

"Ice cream!" Parker declared, still running.

"It's November! In Portland!" Hardison protested.

"Ice cream!" Parker repeated insistently, "It'll be fun. And you can warm me up later!"

Hardison found himself suddenly running faster, at Parker's side instead of behind her. She just laughed as they slowed to a light jog.

"Later, Hardison, Later. Ice cream first."

"Better be some damn good ice cream," Hardison grumbled good-naturedly.

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"It's closed." Hardison commented as they stood outside the darkened ice cream shop.

Parker just smiled, "Nothing's closed if you know how to get in."

"No! Hell, no! We aren't breaking into an _Ice Cream Shop! _It's beneath us! A waste of our skills!"

"Maybe. But I want ice cream and it's just waiting for me behind a cheap lock with no security camera! I'm going, with or without you."

Hardison rolled his eyes, "Fine. But if we get caught stealing ice cream, I am letting Eliot beat you up!"

"Like you could stop him," Parker snorted, "And Eliot wouldn't hurt me, even if he wanted to. He might hurt you though…"

Hardison nodded, "Hell, if we got caught stealing ice cream, I'd expect it! And I am just too pretty for jail!"

Parker looked up at him with a mix of amusement and annoyance, "You're not that pretty, Hardison."

"You wound me, girl!" Hardison faux-gasped.

Parker just rolled her eyes as she pulled out her lock pick kit and crouched beneath the lock on the door, "Fine. You're very pretty."

"Thank you. All I wanted was a little validation," Hardison grinned down at the thief, casting glances around to make sure nobody came down the street. She grinned up at him when she heard the successful click of the lock opening. "Am I too pretty for jail?"

Hardison pulled her back up to her feet with both hands, tugging her to rest against him, "Way too gorgeous, baby."

"I'm not a baby, Hardison."

He pouted, "You're my baby."

Parker couldn't help but smile, "Fine. Now, ice cream!"

She grabbed his hand as they walked into the store as if they belonged.

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"Why isn't there any ice cream?" Parker exclaimed as they stood, staring into the empty freezers.

Hardison shrugged, "Hell if I know."

Parker scanned the room shrewdly, until her gaze rested upon the door. She stalked up to it, pointing insistently at a piece of paper they had missed when coming in.

"Look!"

Hardison read the notice in silence, nodding along. "Oh. They're closed for vacation. That would explain the no ice cream."

Parker looked up at him with big sad eyes, "But I want ice cream."

Hardison felt himself melt at her sad eyes, "Alright, we'll find another place."

Her resulting grin was wide enough to make him smile widely back.

Parker left first, Hardison locking the door behind him as he followed her out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They strolled down the street side by side, looking for a new place to get ice cream. After a block, Parker reached out and clasped Hardison's hand in hers, squeezing gently. He flashed her a quick grin as their hands swung between them as they walked. They stopped walking suddenly as Parker squealed,

"Ooh look! Dairy Queen!"

Hardison looked up to see the familiar red logo and giant cone looming in the distance.

"It's only a few blocks away," he commented, suddenly getting the urge for a cone of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream smothered in chocolate syrup and sprinkles.

Parker just grinned and took off into a light sprint, pulling him along with her.

"One of these damn days, _I'm_ gonna take the lead, you know," Hardison laughed as he caught up.

Parker rolled her eyes and smirked over at him, "Try me, _baby._"

His snappy comeback was interrupted by their arrival to the Dairy Queen. Hardison peered in as they approached the door.

"At least these guys look open."

"Damn," Parker grumbled. "I wanted to break in again."

Hardison just shook his head, "You're crazy." When Parker furrowed her brow, he amended, "It's not a bad thing!"

"You think I'm crazy, how is that not a bad thing?"

"Cause you're my kind of crazy, girl. Perfect for me."

Parker rolled her eyes, but accepted the answer. She shrugged and pulled open the door the Dairy Queen.

They had walked into bedlam, Hardison was sure. He was also sure that even Eliot would have some sort of reaction to the insanity in front of them. The scene was just too insane not to react. Every available surface seemed to be covered in melted ice cream and toppings. The wall and ceiling behind the counter was splattered with what Hardison could only hope was chocolate sauce. Dirty footprints covered the floor in the places the ice cream had been mopped. There was a flurry of activity in the back room that they could just make out, complete with a yelling manager and a howling baby. To top it off, the whole place smelled sickeningly sweet, as if sugar had sabotaged all the air particles.

Shooting each other wide eyed glances, Parker and Hardison approached the counter. They'd taken two steps before Hardison swore the floor rose up, and knocked him flat on his back, right into a puddle of melted ice cream. Stunned momentarily, he just looked up at Parker, who was trying valiantly not to laugh at his misfortune. Scowling, he reached a hand up to her for assistance, but she backed away, knowing he would pull her down if she tried to help. Sighing, Hardison got back on his feet, cringing at the wetness as it seeped through his sweatshirt and t-shirt. He suddenly wished he had worn something more substantial. More than slightly annoyed, Hardison fairly pounced at the young boy manning the disaster area known as the counter.

"What the hell happened in here?" The boy, no more than fifteen and no taller than five feet, cowered under Hardison's height.

"M-m-major m-machine malfunctions. S-s-something kind of e-exploded in the main frozen yogurt machine.. and exploded all over the place. Then the circuits blew, and the backups never kicked in, and well, everything melted. And with no power, the lights went out and people fell, and things crashed and broke and we couldn't clean fast enough. Or see. And then people started freaking out. Then finally the backup generator kicked in and we got power, but this was already done." His eyes lit up for a moment, "Man, it was awesome! Like something out of a movie. Didn't think stuff could just blow up like that in real life."

Hardison's anger melted into geeky pride despite himself, and he found himself grinning at the boy,

"Damn, wish I could've seen that." The boy visibly relaxed as the usual easy-going Hardison demeanor slipped back into place.

"It was epic. A disaster, but epic."

Before Hardison could reply, Parker sidled up to him, giving the short counter boy an appraising look.

"So, there's no ice cream?"

The boy looked at her with a mixture of fear and wonderment. Of course there was no ice cream.

"Everything melted. Sorry."

Parker just glared and spun around, stepping neatly over the rivers of no longer frozen yogurt, before walking out. Hardison shot the boy an apologetic glance before following Parker out, only slipping a little. When he reached Parker, the blonde looked up at him with resignation,

"The universe does not want us to have ice cream, Hardison."

Hardison felt something click inside him, a sudden burst of determination and rebellion. Who was the universe to make his girlfriend sad when all she wanted was some ice cream?

"Screw the universe," he told her, very seriously, "We're getting ice cream."

Parker laughed at his uncharacteristic seriousness but smiled anyway. "Alright."

Hardison thought for a moment, before his eyes lit up with an idea, "Ooh! Let's just go to the 7-11. They're always open, and they have ice cream!"

"Why didn't we think of that before?" Parker questioned, furrowing her brow in thought, making Hardison unable to stop himself from placing a quick kiss to her brow to smooth it out.

He shrugged, "I do not know. But it doesn't matter. Let's just go. It's a long walk." Hardison walked for a moment before stopping as he heard Parker dissolve into giggles.

"What?" he asked, turning to look at the red-faced girl.

Catching her breath, Parker managed to get the words out, "Your sweatshirt! It looks like a very happy elephant…" the rest of her sentence was lost in more giggles.

Hardison yanked off the offending sweatshirt, eyes growing in horror as he saw exactly what Parker meant. The entire back of the grey garment was covered in drying white sticky patches of frozen yogurt, and it didn't take a genius to draw a conclusion as to what Parker had been giggling about.

"I feel dirty on so many levels." Hardison pouted, checking the sweatshirt's pockets before tossing it into a nearby trash can. Parker just giggled some more, before finally composing herself enough to wrap her arms around Hardison's waist in a comforting gesture.

"I'm sorry," she soothed, "It was a very bad elephant."

Hardison was torn between annoyance and the comfort her warm body brought to his own chilled one. He chose comfort and snuggled her closer, warming up.

Parker pulled away suddenly, "Hey look, a taxi! We can get to 7-11 much faster this way."

Hardison frowned at the loss of her warmth, but decided against complaining at the thought of a warm and comfortable ride to the 7-11 and the resulting ice cream and nighttime activities getting to the 7-11 would bring.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The cab driver was a portly man in his sixties with a mop of gray hair and a kindly smile.

"Where to, kids?" he asked genially.

"Where not k.." Parker's outburst was stopped as Hardison's hand clamped over her mouth. Rolling his eyes he answered the driver,

"7-11 on Baker street, please."

The driver nodded and took off. Hardison had to bite back a moan as he felt Parker's tongue against his hand. She knew how to distract him, that was for sure. He pulled his hand away, but leaned down to place his own lips just under her ear, smiling when he felt her tense beside him. He could distract her just as well as she could him.

They had been riding for just over five minutes when the world spun off its axis. A loud sound of crunching metal filled the air as the car spun. Hardison flew into Parker, pushing them both against her window with a thud, but thankfully not breaking the glass. And then everything stopped and the car came to a rest.

"You ok?" Hardison asked Parker as they assessed themselves.

She nodded, "I'm fine. You?"

"I'm good." He pulled her into a hug, needing to make sure she was ok, even if it wasn't the best time. Parker hugged back tightly, more shaken then she would ever let on. A groan of pain pulled them apart and they remembered the driver simultaneously.

"You ok, man?" Hardison asked the groaning driver, who groaned again in response.

He and Parker stared at the crumpled right side of the car, thankful they had been sitting behind the driver on the left. Climbing out the undamaged right side door, they stood outside, where onlookers were already talking to 911. Parker opened the driver's side door to examine the man, before looking back at Hardison.

"I think he just hit his head pretty hard on the window," she pointed to the cracked glass, "Probably has a concussion, but I don't think he broke anything."

The driver groaned again. Parker patted his shoulder awkwardly; promising help was on the way.

"What hit us?" she asked, looking back at Hardison.

He surveyed the scene, eyes landing on a mass of metal he assumed was the remains of the car that hit them.

"I'm gonna guess that," he pointed, "Jesus, I hope he's alright."

Parker peered over as best she could through the crowd of people and the bent metal, but she could only slightly make out the slumped over form of a man across the steering wheel.

"It doesn't look good," she admitted, "But I think he had his seatbelt on."

Hardison just nodded, unable to process much at the moment. He suspected he was in shock, then wondered if he could be aware that he was in shock and still be considered in shock. Eliot would know, he supposed, but Eliot wasn't there. But Parker was, and she chose that moment to link her fingers through his, gripping tightly.

"We're gonna need ID's," she whispered, leaning in close to be heard.

The sentence snapped Hardison out of his daze as the familiar comfort of work took over.

"Shit. You're right. The cops are gonna want to talk to us, might even make us go to the hospital. What you got on you?"

Parker pulled out her wallet and rummaged before answering, "All I have on me is the Alice White. You?"

"That'll work," Hardison breathed, "Alice is clean. Umm, I have a Rick Mason and a Darren LaCroix."

"Oooh, Darren! I like that name," Parker smiled at the little card happily. Hardison just shook his head before tucking Rick away and sliding the Darren ID into the plastic slot of his wallet, just as the police pulled up.

The next few hours flew by in a flurry of questioning and note taking and a fair amount of twitching in Parker's case. She tried, but still found it hard to be still for very long, especially in the presence of authority figures. It wasn't until they stood to leave, after finally being given the go ahead by the cops, that Parker stopped fidgeting. Stopped moving, actually, since she collapsed against a startled Hardison, who caught her just in time.

"Parker? Baby? Hell, a little help here guys!" he called out to the retreating paramedics.

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Parker stayed unconscious throughout the ambulance ride, Hardison worrying beside her all the while. He tried to focus on the questions the paramedics were giving him, but his head was swimming.

Is she allergic to anything? "Not that I know of."

Any history of stroke or heart attack? "Don't think so."

Name? "P- Alice. Alice White."

Blood type? "I don't know."

Any chance she could be pregnant? "What? No. I mean, I don't know. Always a chance I guess. Don't think so." Hardison rambled at the sudden onslaught of images that invaded his brain. Little curly haired kids with Parker's pretty eyes and his silly smile, running in front of them towards the playground. The thought both terrified him and made him happy. "I don't know," he sighed again at whatever the medic had said to him.

The medic looked at him, "No offense sir, but what do you know about her?"

Hardison looked up at him, silent for a moment. What did he really know about Parker? Not much. His gaze dropped back to the blonde before he stared hard at the medic.

"I know I love her." And that was it. The medic closed his mouth and went back to monitoring Parker's vitals. Hardison held her hand tightly as they bumped along.

Much to Hardison's relief, Parker woke up just as they were wheeling her into the hospital. She tried to bolt up, but found it impossible with the straps around her. She looked up with an expression Hardison was sure he'd seen in caged animals and it was all he could do to not tear the straps off so she could escape. Instead he grabbed her hand and rambled to her as they wheeled along.

"Alice. Alice," but she didn't calm down, "Baby, relax, it's ok." Parker finally stopped fighting, registering Hardison's voice amongst the noise of the ER. She looked up at him and smiled faintly, not trusting herself to speak until they were alone.

It wasn't until around 4AM that Hardison and Parker found themselves alone again, in Parker's hospital room. Much to Parker's despair, they had insisted she stay overnight for observation, and much to her anger, Hardison had agreed. Now she glared up at him from the hospital bed where she rested, aggravated that she had to wear a stupid gown, and that there was no window in the room. Hardison sat in the chair by her bed, looking exhausted but relieved. It was worth her anger to make sure she was ok.

"I'm sneaking out of here as soon as you fall asleep, you know," she informed him, matter of factly.

Hardison just smiled, "Baby, 4AM is _nothing_. The Horde's needed me much later than this. You'll be asleep long before me."

Parker frowned, "Damn it. Hadn't thought of that."

"Just get some rest. The doctor said you could go home tomorrow if you check out fine. But you need some sleep. You're lucky you passed out because of shock, and not a concussion."

Parker scowled, "I swear I was drugged! I wasn't even in shock!"

"Says the one who passed out." Hardison countered in a teasing voice. Face turning serious, he rubbed small circles on Parker's hand with his thumb,

"Don't scare me like that again, ok?"

"Hey, I'm fine. All in one piece," Parker smiled softly.

Hardison sighed, "I know. But you don't know how stupid I felt when I couldn't answer even one question that they asked me about you. Like I was just this useless idiot who happened to be sharing a cab with you. I wanted to punch that medic in the face."

Parker reached up and stroked his face gently, "I know. I could hear you, kind of. It went in and out, but I heard some of it."

Grabbing the hand she had reached out, he placed a kiss to her palm before resting it back on the bed. He paused for a moment; suddenly remember what he had told the medic. He told him that he loved her. But had she heard?

Before he could ask, Parker yawned and her eyes drooped shut for a second.

"I'm tired. Sleep with me?"

And Hardison didn't even make a joke. He just stretched out as best he could beside her in the tiny bed and wrapped an arm tightly around her. He knew the sun must be rising, but the little room was blessedly dark as they fell into sleep, tangled around each other.

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Parker awoke to a cold bed, Hardison no longer beside her. Sitting up, she was relieved to see she felt absolutely fine. Opening her eyes slowly, she was taken aback by the sight in front of her. The entire team stood around her bed, Hardison in the center, staring expectantly at her. With a small smile, she waved at them.

"Hey guys."

She was taken by surprise by Sophie, who wrapped her arms around the girl tightly, coming to sit beside her on the bed when was done.

"Good to see you too, Sophie."

Parker looked up at Hardison, who just smiled and told her that he would be right back before leaving the room. Parker turned her gaze to Nate, who looked relieved but uncomfortable all at once.

"Hey, Nate. I'm fine. You don't have to stay."

Nate's eyes widened at her uncharacteristic perception. Parker was smart, there was no doubt, but she could be oblivious to other's feelings sometimes. He stepped forward to stroke her hair once before whispering "thank you" in a voice only she heard. Then he moved faster than Parker could remember seeing him move and was gone. She felt Sophie tense beside her, clearly unsure of where she was needed most, and Parker rolled her eyes. "Just go. I'm ok, really. Hardison will be back soon, and Eliot's here." Sophie glanced over at the silent hitter before hugging Parker one last time and running out after Nate. Parker's attention snapped to Eliot as he snorted with obvious amusement.

"What?"

He shrugged, "Nothing. It's just those two. It's just so them, ya know?"

Parker shook her head, "No, not really."

"Never mind," he sighed as he sat into the chair beside the bed. "How're you doing? All cooped up like this? I can't believe Hardison actually convinced you to stay."

"Yeah, well, he means well," Parker admitted in a soft voice. "Plus," she added, looking away from Eliot's gaze, "He loves me."

Eliot's eyebrows shot nearly to his forehead at the words, before a smile swept across his face, "Yeah? He tell you that?"

Parker frowned briefly, "No. Not me. He told the medic in the ambulance. I was unconscious. Kind of."

Eliot laughed, "Been there." But he couldn't help but say.

"He loves you. He's probably loved you since the first job. Everyone knows it."

Parker smiled so brightly that Eliot couldn't help but laugh. "You love him?" he asked, unsure of how he ended up in this conversation, but suddenly needing to know.

"I, I," she paused to think, "It's hard." She admitted, looking back at him. "I think I do, but I don't know if this is what love feels like." At Eliot's questioning expression, she continued, "Is it supposed to feel like this?"

Eliot leaned forward, "Like what?"

"Like I want to cry when I don't wake up with him next to me."

Eliot's breath caught, unsure how to answer the question. He opted for the truth,

"I don't know how it's supposed to feel either."

Parker surprised him by smiling at the answer, "You're as screwed up as me."

Eliot nodded and went to respond but was interrupted by Hardison walking back in the room with a big grin on his face.

"Hey, El," he said in greeting, before plopping down on the bed beside Parker, who automatically leaned into him. Eliot nodded in greeting and then mumbled something about coffee before disappearing into the hallway.

XXXXXXXXXX

Hardison draped an arm over Parker's shoulder as she cuddled closer, resting his head on hers briefly, just needing to feel her.

"So, the doctor said you could leave as soon as he signs the papers."

Parker nearly jumped up in excitement, "Thank god!"

Hardison laughed, "I thought you'd like that. By the way, how do you feel about Vermont?"

Her confused expression nearly made him laugh, but he held it together as she answered,

"It's ok. Lots of snow."

"Cool. Well, let's go pack. Road trip. Nate gave us the week off."

Parker cocked her head, unsure if he was joking or not, "Wait, what? Why are we going to Vermont? What the hell is in Vermont?"

Hardison grinned widely, "Well, snow, cows, trees, and the main headquarters of Ben & Jerry's. We can even break in if you want."

He expected she'd be happy, but didn't expect her to be speechless. But she was. Parker stared at him for a long moment, mouth gaping, completely silent. Finally, Parker regained her composure, and her shock melted into a happy smile.

"Ok."

The word came out soft and brief, but Hardison knew that she had said much more than ok in those two letters. The way she looked at him with a bright smile and shining eyes, he could hear what she had really said.

He kissed her soundly before responding in a barely audible voice, "I love you, too."


End file.
